Keeping Kids Christian: Bonus Q and A

Editorial note: On March 31, Mere Orthodoxy hosted a webinar with Cameron Shaffer, author of Keeping Kids Christian: Recovering a Biblical Vision for Lifelong Discipleship. Shaffer kindly agreed to answer in writing a few more of the questions that webinar attendees had submitted, but that for reasons of time, he was unable to get to during the webinar. We think these questions, submitted anonymously during the webinar, may be of interest to other readers and are grateful to publish this Q&A as a resource. The questions and answers have been minimally edited for clarity.

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Q1: I'm a pastor, and we have many singles in our church, whether college students or young professionals. How could singles help with this vision of children's discipleship?

Cameron Shaffer: Don’t silo young adults from the life of the church. Invite them into your homes and include them in your events and volunteer opportunities. Young adults are often eager to serve, but it’s better for them and for the kids if older adults are the ones taking the lead in programs and classes. The organic connection to the church community happens when young adults are around children and families and have the opportunity to speak into their lives. That is one of the best ways for them to influence the discipleship of children.

Q2: We have recently changed our youth group to family time, trying to keep a more intergenerational community bringing families into the youth's lives and instilling the importance of mentorship and discipleship. Would you see this as a deeper extension of the family itself living out faith together?

Cameron Shaffer: Absolutely! This sounds wonderful

Q3: Any advice on class size? At what point should classes be split up?

Cameron Shaffer: It’s never one-size-or-format-fits-all, but when the adults can’t control the kids or when the group gets so big that it’s unrealistic to learn in it or the teachers cannot know all the kids’ names—at that point it is time to split.

Q4: Is there anything in your research that affirms welcoming children to the Communion table earlier than the “age of reason”?

Cameron Shaffer: Leaving aside the biblical and theological discussions on this topic (which I do engage in my book), the answer is that if confirmation/admittance to the Lord’s Supper is treated as an “you’ve arrived” moment, that is counterproductive for fostering a child’s faith. If it’s treated as a “you’ve been initiated into the community” moment, it reinforces faith retention.

Q5: Your book talks about parental hypocrisy killing their kids' faith. How can a parent raise kids well after a public moral failure?

Cameron Shaffer: Own it. Acknowledge that the moral failure in question was wrong, that the parent is the wrongdoer and not the victim, that there is a “splash effect” of shame hitting the family, that you fell short of God’s standard, and that you need grace like everyone else. Say these things not as a way to cop out of responsibility, but to state plainly that you need something only God can give. Apologize and ask for forgiveness, don’t resent when the forgiveness is withheld or is slow in coming (again, the parent is the wrongdoer here, not a victim). In the meanwhile, accept the consequences without protest, and do the slow, patient work of making things right.

Q6: Speaking as a grandparent, what are some practical things we can do to keep our grands in the faith?

Cameron Shaffer: A lot depends on the relationship with your kids, but in general, here are a few things you can do:

1. Live a godly and faithful Christian life
2. Have your grandkids in your life, and they’ll see that
3. Strive for a healthy and reconciled (if necessary) relationship with your kids
4. Invite your kids and grandkids to church events (choir, youth group, men’s breakfasts, etc).

Q7: I’m a youth pastor. How might I facilitate the right home/church scheduling balance for the families under my care? What I mean by that is: How can I schedule youth events enough to actually have a spiritual influence on students, while also leaving enough empty room in the church calendar so that parents actually have room in *their* calendars to train their children in the Lord? To get specific, how many youth events per week would you encourage youth pastors to host to be able to make disciples without making the church a replacement for a godly home?

Cameron Shaffer: 1 regular event per week, 1-2 irregular events per month, max. The calendar squeeze is a real thing, but one of the advantages of having a scheduled time for youth group is that it gives parents a slot on the calendar to breath. It’s also important to ask how youth events fit into the life of the rest of the church. It’s less effective to have youth game night instead of including teen girls in a women’s event. You want to encourage as much intergenerational community as possible, so minimizing the competition between calendar dates and church “departments” is essential.

Q8: For youth ministry directors interested in starting to invest energy into a family-centric youth ministry model—What counsel would you give them if their church’s current youth ministry places significant emphasis and spends large amounts of energy on programmatic youth ministry (youth group, Sunday school, retreats, mission trips, etc.)? How could such a youth director begin steering the youth program in a family-centered-ministry direction?

Cameron Shaffer: Be intentional about recruiting parents and other adults to volunteer and lead. Aim to recruit adults who are able to invest in the lives of the kids and their families and host people. Look for adults whose home is a good gathering place for teens. Let programs die and replace them with efforts for intergenerational connection. Increase cooperation with other spheres of the church (men’s and women’s ministry in particular) for events and gathering. Spend more time with the parents of teens to exhort them in faithfulness and to equip them to raise their kids. Push them towards other godly adults, and recruit volunteers who can engage with parents in this way. You also need to work with the rest of the pastoral staff and church leaders; this can’t be something driven by a single staff member without buy-in from the rest of the leadership.

Q9: What would you say to situations where the parent wants nothing to do with the faith but the student comes to youth group? The only time they are getting fed is really at youth. What would you say about a situation like that?

Cameron Shaffer: Feed the ones God brings to you! What a terrible situation and what a wonderful privilege. That kid also needs godly fathers and mothers in the faith around him or her, so ensuring that the youth group is connected to the fuller life of the church is key.