Punctuation's Parable

Academic elites of a Western stripe are nearly mad in their obsession with cultural relativism. It has become a mark of distinction, if not one of moral fiber, among these self-styled protectors of thought to outstrip even Derrida and Lyotard in commenting on the universal relativity of actions, values, and just about anything-else-whatsoever when confronted with particular examples of behavior they think their poor middle and lowbrow neighbors might find offensive. “’Tis merely a convention,” they sagely nod. Without the careful inculcation of this virtue among the lofty ivory men and women of the West, surely we would all spend our days bewildered and unbalanced by the rapid succession of offensive moment after offensive moment. Their ever-vigilant eyes sweep the land from the top of the tower (ivory, of course) so that we lesser mortals might be spared the uncomfortable position of having our convictions actually challenged.

Such noblesse among our cultured fellow citizens surely deserves a note of thanks—and I encourage you to write your neighborhood high-hat as soon as you finish reading this—however, it can also make discussion of such an interesting topic as cultural relativism and the scope of its legitimate application to values and behaviors, quite impossible. The person who dares to address a practice or belief that is debatably binding on all men at all times and places, is quickly shuffled aside as the ignorant cousin who hasn’t yet come to grips with the obvious subjectivity of x. Thus, rather than addressing such conventions as weddings or liturgy or clothing or moral behavior; diplomacy or violence or torture or dictators; I’ll content myself with something a little more common and a little less volatile and leave the application to the reader, away from the prying eyes of our nation’s sentinels: I propose a discussion of punctuation.